corporate speak

I’m just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah busy

May 4, 2017 // 0 Comments

When did it happen? When did such a travesty against humankind take place? When did aioli replace tomato sauce as the go-to accompanying condiment for hot chips? I know there are probably heaps of pro-aioli people shaking their heads in disappointment at the lack of complexity in my condiment choice. But hey! I’m a simple person. And I fucking [...]

99% of all Australians won’t read this

January 24, 2017 // 0 Comments

Today someone brought KFC chips onto the bus. That motherfucker. The worst was that he was doing that surreptitious eat-out-of-the-bag, thinking that no one noticed. But WE DID YOU SELFISH DICKHEAD. How dare you come onto the bus, with the flaming beauty that are KFC chips – the only chips known to make your nostrils feel like they’re Heidi [...]

The Official Dictionary of Management Speak and Office Jargon

August 13, 2015 // 1 Comment

Have you ever just wished for once, just once, you could know how loud you are when you blow your nose? Seriously, it’s like one of life’s little mysteries. You’ll never be able to know how obnoxious (or blissful????) your nose-blowing could sound. And for self-conscious people like myself, the lack of knowledge I have about my [...]

That time I was a dictator…erghm I mean Fire Warden

February 12, 2013 // 0 Comments

Awkward moment today when I was unknowingly elected Fire Warden for the Yellow Area on our floor. You see apart from the requisite training and fulfilling my duties of evacuating everyone in the Yellow Area in the event of a fire, a critical part of the role involves having your photo and name immortalised on a poster with all the other Fire [...]