THE ESCAPE KEY

Too many arseholes, too little bullets

Writing can be fucking hard. I’m writing this in past tense but this writers block is well and truly present. You see, in an effort to get re-inspired to write again I’ve so far resorted to so many tactics, tricks and basic magic to get myself [...]
How to face time at work like a boss

I could not be border today (as in bored-er). I don’t understand why we need to sit here and surf the internet until what is considered a “normal” finish time. Apparently our employment contracts says that we must work all “reasonable [...]
I need a new (job) boyfriend! Why bad jobs are like a bad relationship

It’s funny watching people get calls from recruiters. They start looking all nervous, get up from their desk and sprint to the nearest meeting room to take the call, whilst simultaneously, vigourously reducing the volume button in case anyone can [...]
“What should I wear?” Working out women’s workwear

I’m finding this whole professional attire thing extremely vexing. It’s not the whole ditsy “hmmm (twirling hair) whatever should I wear this morning” question that I find annoying, it’s more the fact that the choices I have which are [...]
BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: How to do SFA on a Friday afternoon

From: Penny Pigeon To: Boutique Advisory Dear Boutique Advisory, I recently came across the saying that “only the mediocre perform at their best everyday”. Would you consider this an appropriate justification to my manager for wanting to do SFA [...]
What to do when you get asked to do a random research task…pretend to do it

So this morning my MD has asked me to look for [insert random, tiny, irrelevant research task which I know can’t be found because I’ve already looked, here], so I’m just waiting around, looking like I’m intently typing/searching so that I [...]
Shhh, it’s only quiet racism

I’ve been thinking about all these racist taunts on public transport recently, and it reminded me of my old primary school drama teacher. Everyone seemed to know that she loved casting only cute, blonde girls (who were invariably white…c’mon, [...]

I’m just saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah busy

May 4, 2017 // 0 Comments

When did it happen? When did such a travesty against humankind take place? When did aioli replace tomato sauce as the go-to accompanying condiment for hot chips? I know there [...]
The super amazing power of meditation and mindfulness

March 24, 2017 // 0 Comments

I’ve decided that 2017 is my year of self-improvement. Like when I’m 80 years old, I’d like to think back to 2017 and remember be like “dayuuuummm 2017 was where that [...]
The 4 types of ‘Horrible Employees’

March 1, 2017 // 1 Comment

For all these years of my corporate life, I’ve complained, then I’ve moaned, then I’ve whinged, then I’ve sighed, then I’ve sarcastically learnt to deal with my [...]
The biggest issue facing us right now – office seating arrangements

February 23, 2017 // 1 Comment

When I was 3, I made my first foray in the corporate office world. My Dad took me to his office [at the time, I just assumed he had important matters to discuss with me. Not [...]
Getting real with my addiction to trashy television

February 14, 2017 // 0 Comments

Have you ever looked at an article that’s titled something like “You Won’t Believe What She Said” and internally say to yourself “[rolling eyes] urgh that’s so [...]
99% of all Australians won’t read this

January 24, 2017 // 0 Comments

Today someone brought KFC chips onto the bus. That motherfucker. The worst was that he was doing that surreptitious eat-out-of-the-bag, thinking that no one noticed. But WE [...]
How to balance work friends and not get slapped

October 11, 2016 // 0 Comments

“ERGHMEGHERRRD I heard that she slapped you, is that true???” No that’s not a quote, overheard in the locker of a high school girls’ locker room [interestingly I [...]
Suddenly 30…lessons learnt thus far

July 7, 2016 // 0 Comments

Last night I had another strange dream….I dreamt that this large, red, hulk-esque monster, with no neck, kept bowling large boulders and me and saying in a deep, husky [but [...]
Too many arseholes, too little bullets

May 23, 2016 // 2 Comments

Writing can be fucking hard. I’m writing this in past tense but this writers block is well and truly present. You see, in an effort to get re-inspired to write again I’ve [...]
Cut yourself some slack and go cycle in the dark

December 7, 2015 // 2 Comments

Below is just a copy and paste of a speech I did last week…and when I say “speech” I really mean this is just a copy paste of a standard blog post minus the ‘speaking [...]
I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m boredom boredom boredom

November 10, 2015 // 1 Comment

You know you’re bored at work when you spend an afternoon rejigging your To Do List and then write down “rejig to do list” on your To Do List and immediately cross it [...]
Office politics…the players and the pawns

September 22, 2015 // 0 Comments

Over the last three years, Australia has managed to have 4 different Prime Ministers. This is not going to be a rant about how we seem to have an addiction to #spills [...]
The Official Dictionary of Management Speak and Office Jargon

August 13, 2015 // 1 Comment

Have you ever just wished for once, just once, you could know how loud you are when you blow your nose? Seriously, it’s like one of life’s little mysteries. [...]
The Adventures of a Corporate Troll

June 24, 2015 // 1 Comment

Kayla Itsines is actually the devil. I know that sounds really harsh, but she actually is. But ‘devil’ in the sense that I think she’s freaking awesome for [...]
Using the mysterious power of silence to win arguments

May 6, 2015 // 1 Comment

I’ve always just assumed that I downright suck at conversation. It all started when I was five and whilst on the phone to my dad, my sister punched me in the arm whilst I [...]
Where are all the mediocre women?

April 23, 2015 // 6 Comments

I feel like I’m lucky enough to be living in a renaissance for women in the workplace. Now there are millions of books, forums, active networking opportunities, dedicated [...]
10 steps on how to approach salary negotiations…and lose but feel like you’ve won

April 13, 2015 // 0 Comments

“Last night I had a rather vivid dream about a 4m high, white, new species of owl-cross-furry-animal called a ‘Leano’ standing outside my window, staring at me, making [...]
Angry Arani…recognising if you have an anger problem and doing fuck all about it

February 9, 2015 // 1 Comment

So it came to my attention recently [and when I say “recently”, I mean that I’ve known about this my entire life but could never be bothered actually doing anything [...]
The score is 3 for 2…that’s 3 jobs in 2 years

December 12, 2014 // 0 Comments

I’m officially 3 for 2 – no that’s not the English Cricket Team’s average score over the last 6 months –I’m officially at my 3rd full-time job [...]
GUEST POST: This is Why Qantas is Going Out of Business by Penny Pigeon

November 18, 2014 // 0 Comments

An email sent to me that was too funny not to share. All words courtesy of Penny Pigeon. If you would like to post something, let me know! Today I went on a leadership [...]
Sydney property market is cray cray (Part III): The landlord

September 16, 2014 // 0 Comments

So last time, I left you with this really lame “to be continued” which usually would really shit me because I hate suspense and would have been googling the end to save [...]
Sydney property market is cray cray (Part II): Rental Properties 101

September 10, 2014 // 1 Comment

Given my prior rant about being some sort of Property (and old, rich people) hating vigilante, I thought that it was fitting that I actually complete the picture of my foray [...]
How to be the perfect bell-curve shaped employee

August 26, 2014 // 3 Comments

So I wouldn’t really say I’m a “morning person”…whilst I’m not averse to the odd 7am rise [mostly due to an ongoing battle to this fucking annoying piece of [...]
Sydney property market is cray cray (Part I): Old people

August 20, 2014 // 1 Comment

I’m not sure if this is a bad thing, but every time I see a couple in say their 60s, casually walking around their inner city neighbourhood, who then stop to check out a [...]
9 months between posts and I don’t even have a child to excuse my absence

August 12, 2014 // 0 Comments

Today I walked passed [or is it past? I never know… that and ‘practice’ or ‘practise’ – I know there is a difference but I blame the Year 4 Private School System [...]
Gyrating Mechanical Arseload Tank-tops (GMAT)

November 19, 2013 // 0 Comments

Guess what!? I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack! Time to call off the 200 German Shepherd search party led by the 3 not 4 star Army General, because I’m back bitches! [Sigh! It’s [...]
The Day of Douches: The time I got to interact with every type of douche in one day

September 25, 2013 // 0 Comments

Seriously why do things always happen to me? The coffee machine was broken so I decided to make a ‘mocha’ using instant coffee, Milo and milk and warming this mixture in [...]
Welcome to the Boutique Advisory

September 16, 2013 // 0 Comments

So it has come to my attention that the problems that I write about and manage to blow up into 700 word blog posts, are not unique to me. Whilst I must admit that it’s [...]
BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: Help! My director won’t stop eating my food

September 10, 2013 // 0 Comments

From: Need Food To: Boutique Advisory Hello, There is a director at work who is constantly eating my food. Every night when we order dinner, he says that he doesn’t want to [...]
BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: How to do SFA on a Friday afternoon

September 8, 2013 // 0 Comments

From: Penny Pigeon To: Boutique Advisory Dear Boutique Advisory, I recently came across the saying that “only the mediocre perform at their best everyday”. Would you [...]
BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: Return of the workplace cockroach

September 7, 2013 // 0 Comments

From: Grinning and Bearing It To: Boutique Advisory Hello, I have a very annoying work colleague who CONSTANTLY gets away with not pulling her weight at work. Whilst the rest [...]
BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: New laws introduced to govern office behaviour

September 6, 2013 // 0 Comments

From: Frustrated neighbour To: Boutique Advisory Hi there, A member of the neighbouring ‘pod’ at my work insists on holding telephone calls on speaker phone, despite this [...]
Doctor, doctor, give me the news already

August 28, 2013 // 1 Comment

Due to an over-zealous attempt at being domestic and deciding to clean the bathtub, I now find myself once again back in the doctor’s waiting room with a bad [...]
My CV has been drinking protein shakes

August 22, 2013 // 2 Comments

Not to discount the development of modern technology and its importance in shaping the society we live in today, but I’d still I have to say that THE most useful invention [...]
How to deal with fucking annoying work colleagues

August 7, 2013 // 0 Comments

When I’m not slaving analyst-style, I actually fancy myself as quite the lyricist. What I lack in terms of any sort of remote musical competence, I make up for in my [...]
Australia vs. England: The Ashes of our soul

July 25, 2013 // 0 Comments

I’ve spent the last 48 hours stocking up on cans of tuna, tomato, corn and any food product that is in can-form such that my house now resembles aisles 2 and 3 of my local [...]
The best way to deal with parking and speeding fines

July 17, 2013 // 0 Comments

You know you’re struggling when the most exciting thing to happen to you all month is the discovery of $15 fleece tights from Woolworths. So far this month, in addition to [...]
When you miss out on critical bits of basic life knowledge

July 10, 2013 // 0 Comments

So today I tried something different which seemed to make sense in my head but in practice failed miserably: FYI watering plants with Yakult does not make them grow any [...]
Talking about my gen…meh! I’m bored already

July 3, 2013 // 0 Comments

I read this article recently about Gen Y. I got bored midway so ended up only reading the start and the finish but I got the impression that this was another crap-on article [...]
Smells like coffee, tastes like shit

June 26, 2013 // 1 Comment

Due to a disgusting cough brought on by this disgustingly cold Melbourne weather, I found myself taking the day off from work and seated in a café eating breakfast. I did my [...]
Learning to budget so you have ‘freedom money’

June 19, 2013 // 2 Comments

Today I have negative eighty-six cents in my bank account. Wow that sounds much better when you write numbers out in words. As a result of requiring an eighty-six cent [...]
Quick guide of what to do when you run into your old boss

June 12, 2013 // 0 Comments

Today I walked by an interesting situation – a distracted man walked into a blind man’s seeing stick and the blind man said “sorry”. Yep apparently that’s the [...]
Lessons from an expert level social media stalker

June 5, 2013 // 0 Comments

So I’ve been looking for a photographer [ok, ok so I’ve been looking for a wedding photographer but be warned that this is not going to turn into some wedding blog about [...]
There’s only one question: What would Sheryl do?

May 29, 2013 // 0 Comments

Recently I read Sheryl Sandberg’s, ‘Lean In’ [Note it was completely intentional to link through to the Amazon link to this book so that you can purchase it [...]
“What should I wear?” Working out women’s workwear

May 24, 2013 // 0 Comments

I’m finding this whole professional attire thing extremely vexing. It’s not the whole ditsy “hmmm (twirling hair) whatever should I wear this morning” question that I [...]
A gathering of only women together is not meant to threaten the patriachy

May 17, 2013 // 0 Comments

I’ve noticed that when there’s a group of professional women, standing together, talking, any male who approaches the group has to make some comment that the group must [...]
Making the most of your annual leave allowance

May 8, 2013 // 0 Comments

I am about 80% sure that Kim Kardashian is actually pregnant in her butt. Seriously check out the pictures! Her tummy looks a little larger than usual but that could easily [...]
Shhh, it’s only quiet racism

May 2, 2013 // 1 Comment

I’ve been thinking about all these racist taunts on public transport recently, and it reminded me of my old primary school drama teacher. Everyone seemed to know that she [...]
An awkward person’s guide to dealing with awkward conversation

April 25, 2013 // 1 Comment

Have you ever wondered why they make street lights that dingy, orange-y colour? It’s such a disgusting colour and I’m pretty sure it encourages people to commit violent [...]
At what age do you start drinking wine from a bottle not a bag?

April 21, 2013 // 0 Comments

On Saturday, as I was driving home, something incredible happened. As a serial [...]

Too many arseholes, too little bullets

How to face time at work like a boss

I need a new (job) boyfriend! Why bad jobs are like a bad relationship

“What should I wear?” Working out women’s workwear

BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: How to do SFA on a Friday afternoon

What to do when you get asked to do a random research task…pretend to do it

Shhh, it’s only quiet racism

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