How to face time at work like a boss

I could not be border today (as in bored-er). I don’t understand why we need to sit here and surf the internet until what is considered a “normal” finish time. Apparently our employment contracts says that we must work all “reasonable hours” which no doubt was intended to mean that you must work from 8am to 6am the next day every day, but surely if there’s nothing to do, leaving at 11am should be justified. So boring! I’ve been through most “best of 2011” sites already. Watched all the Youtube 2011 videos. Some talking dog was up near the first video. I watched it and found it neither funny nor cute.

Anyway its so quiet today that I decided to kick up a fuss about the intern accidentally calling me the same name as my EA who is also dark skinned. I promptly asked him if it was the fact that I was a girl or that I was brown that confused him. He tried desperately to recover and I must admit that I did take a little joy in watching him flounder, trying to decide if he is a sexist or racist. haha I think he’s just gone for the “I’m stupid” option.

Anyway face timing can be pretty difficult. Its obviously all in appearances but there are small things that you need to do which I think other people don’t do, and which makes it just look like they’re face timing. Namely a good face timer will every 2-3 minutes change what’s on their second screen (but will obviously remain doing whatever the hell you want on your smaller screen which you can crouch over to hide); a good face timer will also every other 2-3 minutes stop typing, look another way intensely as if they’re thinking then return to the screen (this is good because it allows you to rest your eyes and also check out floor gossip that might be going on); a good face timer will also not respond to funny emails for at least 10 minutes after its been sent (its a tell tale sign that you’re not doing anything). I’d really like to get some glasses which make me look like I’m awake, plus a special keyboard that can be flicked onto “auto” mode and then make typing noises whilst you rest your hand there….hmmm getting a stand-in actor could work even better. Pretty sure if they’re just brown and a girl, my directors wouldn’t notice….or I could just leave.