BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: How to do SFA on a Friday afternoon

From: Penny Pigeon

To: Boutique Advisory

Dear Boutique Advisory,

I recently came across the saying that “only the mediocre perform at their best everyday”. Would you consider this an appropriate justification to my manager for wanting to do SFA at work on a Friday afternoon when you are trusted with an important investment decision?

Please advise.

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From: Boutique Advisory

To: Penny Pigeon

Hello Penny,

What a profound quote! Its profoundness is almost matched by the amazing alliteration of your name Penny Pigeon. It is in fact very true that only the mediocre perform at their best everyday – as evidenced by Oporto chips. They are very tasty (and perform at their best every day), but then you buy a burger and you are reminded that Oporto’s is fucking disgusting and swear never to be swayed away from Nandos again because Oportos is so monumentally mediocre. The world can only be improved if we continue to educate managers across the globe with this difference between the plain awesome and the mediocre.

I must admit that due some difficulties associated with me now being of an age whereby I no longer understand or miss critical shortenings of words, I did not know what “SFA” meant. To be quite honest, the corporate nerd in me was unleashed and I convinced myself that you meant “Sydnicated Facility Agreement”. I subsequently went onto Urban Dictionary and discovered that you actually meant ‘sweet fuck all’. Whilst I initially felt sheepish and old for not knowing what you meant, it then dawned on me that I had the solution to your question – you need not raise even that magnificent quote to your manager, rather you should say that you’re working on a Syndicated Facility Agreement. And if you want to really toy with you manager/have begun to start counting wins against The Man, then tell him “sorry I’ve just got no time today as I’m working on this SFA” then laugh to you self at the fact that you’ve effectively said ‘sweet fuck all’ to your manager. Other potential things that you could be working on include ‘Special Financial Accounts’, ‘Corporate Banking Facilities’ and of course you can say that you’re working on ‘Jack Shit’…which is actually short for working on the ‘Joint Allocated Cost of Knowledge, Skills, & Historic Internal Table’ – then you can chastise him for not being up to date with the latest accounting standards and urge him to spend the afternoon doing this.

Power to you.