BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: Return of the workplace cockroach

From: Grinning and Bearing It

To: Boutique Advisory

Hello,

I have a very annoying work colleague who CONSTANTLY gets away with not pulling her weight at work. Whilst the rest of us slave away to pick up the slack, this leech is busy sucking up to bosses, leaving all of us at a significant disadvantage. None of us know how to approach her about it, because any attempt to leads to rivers of tears. She is driving all of us insane.

Please help!

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From: Boutique Advisory
To: Grinning and Bearing It

Subject: Re:

Hello Grinning and Bearing It,

Not pulling her fair share of work, sucking up to the bosses, crying when confronted with her inadequacies….yep seems to me like what you have at work is a Cockroach who needs to be eliminated immediately.

The biggest issue in your situation is probably the fake tears whenever she’s confronted by a colleague about not pulling her weight. By crying she invariably makes the colleague feel bad for saying anything, thus then she resumes her lack of weight pulling at work and sucking up to the bosses….#REF! Circular Reference! [yes the Excel joke was entirely necessary]. So how to deal with the fake tears?…well as the old saying goes, ‘if you can’t beat them, cry as well’. Next time she commences the Cockroach Cycle, confront her about her behaviour. But this time, pre-empt her fake tears, with your own fake tears. That’s right, before you go to confront her watch ‘The Notebook’ [or if you’re me you’d watch ‘Ice Age’…oh so sad when he gives back the child], have your tear ducts right on the brink of breaking the banks, find a public place, then approach her. The best thing about this approach is that you can be completely truthful and frank because when you’re the one crying, the base assumption to any by-stander is that the non-cryer is the wrong-doer, therefore you automatically win the PR battle. Then if she happens to start crying, or if you’re really struggling to get the tears going, you need to up the ante and make sure pre-confrontation, you pay about 8 small children $5 each to emerge from behind you and also start crying and perhaps also randomly yell “Mummy that nasty, lazy woman is making me cry cy”. Your chorus of criers will be sure to overwhelm her and hopefully make her see how many small children she makes cry because of her behaviour at work.

Keep chasing that rainbow.