BOUTIQUE ADVISORY: Help! My director won’t stop eating my food

From: Need Food

To: Boutique Advisory

Hello,

There is a director at work who is constantly eating my food. Every night when we order dinner, he says that he doesn’t want to eat. When the food arrives, before I can pick up my dinner, he has already taken my food and started to eat it. On one occasion I bought a bun and chicken to make a roll, and with his unwashed hands, he ripped off half of my bun then tore off a chicken leg, licked his fingers then put his hands in the bag and tore off more chicken.

What should I do?

Need Food

From: Boutique Advisory

To: Need Food

Subject: Re: Hungry, hungry director

Hello Need Food,

You are indeed in a pickle [hahahaha beautiful use of an entirely intended pun….although now I think it’s a bit harsh given I now have you thinking about pickles and eating said pickles given you’re so hungry…]. What you have here is a situation where your Director has no concept of boundaries. I am guessing, based on your email that this same Director is also the type to send you work whenever he wants to…this is all because this Director thinks that he actually owns you. He thinks that everything you own is his – that apple on your desk, it’s his; that present you surreptitiously bought your girlfriend that’s under your seat? He’s already taken it and claimed it as a present for his long-suffering wife.

Now what to do….well you could try to establish boundaries with him – you know, with respect to work and your stuff, say “No” to certain things blah, blah blah….OR you could bring in a ‘home-made’ roast chicken which is actually just a perfect glass replica of a roast chicken, thus when he tries to rip off a piece of your chicken, he’ll also rip off a chunk of his ‘unwashed hands’.

If all else fails, keep a stash of perishable food in the female toilets at your office (I assume they are unused). Good luck to you.