Investment banking bonuses and following that yellow brick road

Its Bonus Time and I can’t stop singing in my head “its the most wonderful time of the year” like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone 2 when he gets to spend the day in the toy store with all the awesome Christmas toys…this feeling is despite our expectations having been sufficiently managed down to the extent that I really should be singing, Nine Inch Nails, “there is no you, there is only me, there is no fucking you, there is only me”.

Regardless I think I’ll prefer to remain happy and be swept up by all the crazy gossip, conspiracy theories and over analysis of what it means when three unrelated people go into a meeting room. Its pretty impressive the MacGyver skills of analysts to take a matchstick, an empty cereal box and a rubber band to create an explosion of theories about what the Group result is going to be, bonuses are going to be, whether they’ll be 100% or 120% of your base (even though in a post-GFC reality anything more than a box of iced doughnuts should be a blessing), who’s going to get promoted, who’s going to get advanced promoted…ah its so exhausting!

Anyway the floor is rife with gossip (and zero productivity levels) as people wait to hear “their number”. As if “their number” will then determine their level of motivation in the coming year, future career progression and overall dictate how they live their lives at least for the next 12 months. Its a little ‘Brave New World’ to think how dependent all these smart people are on “their number”. Its like that’s what He wants you to think. He wants us to be dictated by indescript ranks so that He can better control you.  Ha! Just as I was thinking about that ay EDs have just called me into a room to hear “my number” …. I feel like I’m Dorothy off to see the Wizard of Oz. But my EDs aren’t cool enough to be the Wizard. I think this year I’ll make it more of a role reversal whereby the two of them can be the heartless Tin Man and courage less Lion and I’ll be the Wizard…who goes in there….and quits…. Ah! One can only dream. Ok I better go follow that yellow brick road!