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investment banking

Gyrating Mechanical Arseload Tank-tops (GMAT)

November 19, 2013 // 0 Comments

Guess what!? I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack! Time to call off the 200 German Shepherd search party led by the 3 not 4 star Army General, because I’m back bitches! [Sigh! It’s times like these that I really wish that I were famous and/or relevant enough to get AC/DC to follow me around playing ‘Back in Black’ as I walked up the halls at work, whilst [...]

My CV has been drinking protein shakes

August 22, 2013 // 2 Comments

Not to discount the development of modern technology and its importance in shaping the society we live in today, but I’d still I have to say that THE most useful invention of the 21st Century would have to be the invention of paper towel [in case you haven’t notice I don’t actually speak English, I speak ‘Hyperbole’]. Paper towel is [...]

How to deal with fucking annoying work colleagues

August 7, 2013 // 0 Comments

When I’m not slaving analyst-style, I actually fancy myself as quite the lyricist. What I lack in terms of any sort of remote musical competence, I make up for in my incredible ability to make mutually exclusive words fit together in the context of a song and in life. For example, currently I’m at work and have MC Hammer’s, timeless classic [...]

When you miss out on critical bits of basic life knowledge

July 10, 2013 // 0 Comments

So today I tried something different which seemed to make sense in my head but in practice failed miserably: FYI watering plants with Yakult does not make them grow any faster…and when I say ‘grow any faster’ I mean ‘generally grow at all’. I don’t profess to have any sort of ‘green thumbs’ [even though you need more than just [...]

Quick guide of what to do when you run into your old boss

June 12, 2013 // 0 Comments

Today I walked by an interesting situation – a distracted man walked into a blind man’s seeing stick and the blind man said “sorry”. Yep apparently that’s the society we live in, you bump into my blind stick which helps me carry out day to day activities like walking in the street and it’s my fault for being blind. The worst thing is [...]

There’s only one question: What would Sheryl do?

May 29, 2013 // 0 Comments

Recently I read Sheryl Sandberg’s, ‘Lean  In’ [Note it was completely intentional to link through to the Amazon link to this book so that you can purchase it IMMEDIATELY]. For those who are as thin as paper after living their entire life under a gigantic rock, because they don’t know who Sheryl Sandberg is, she is the current COO/CFO of [...]

Making the most of your annual leave allowance

May 8, 2013 // 0 Comments

I am about 80% sure that Kim Kardashian is actually pregnant in her butt. Seriously check out the pictures! Her tummy looks a little larger than usual but that could easily just be post-lunch bloating. But her butt? Her butt has expanded to such a size that one can only assume that she is either nesting a baby in her butt, hiding the lost city of [...]

When you’re married to an investment banker

April 1, 2013 // 0 Comments

It’s the strangest thing. I’ve quit investment banking yet its investment banking that continues to ruin my life. I thought that when I walked out those cattle gates, I had given up the habit for good. Yet somewhere, somehow, investment banking has managed to insinuate itself back into my life. How is this possible? Where did I go wrong? Have [...]

Cockroach infestations at work

March 14, 2013 // 0 Comments

The other day, just as I was about to go to bed, I noticed a cockroach on the floor next to my bed. Now my usual reaction to this scenario would involve a blood-curdling scream to which one could only assume that the girl from The Ring and the girl from The Exorcist were both in my room doing neck-twisting, long-dark-straggly-hair-in-the-face, [...]