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The score is 3 for 2…that’s 3 jobs in 2 years

December 12, 2014 // 0 Comments

I’m officially 3 for 2 – no that’s not the English Cricket Team’s average score over the last 6 months –I’m officially at my 3rd full-time job in 2 years. Yep, you know how at most workplaces, they give you a pen or cufflinks for being there for 5 years, to mark one’s loyalty to the business and commitment to [...]

How to be the perfect bell-curve shaped employee

August 26, 2014 // 3 Comments

So I wouldn’t really say I’m a “morning person”…whilst I’m not averse to the odd 7am rise [mostly due to an ongoing battle to this fucking annoying piece of shit magpie that loves to squawk to you know, warn me from taking it’s piece of shit-kicker baby magpies… “gee relax bro, I don’t you’re your baby magpies”]…truth [...]

Gyrating Mechanical Arseload Tank-tops (GMAT)

November 19, 2013 // 0 Comments

Guess what!? I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack! Time to call off the 200 German Shepherd search party led by the 3 not 4 star Army General, because I’m back bitches! [Sigh! It’s times like these that I really wish that I were famous and/or relevant enough to get AC/DC to follow me around playing ‘Back in Black’ as I walked up the halls at work, whilst [...]

My CV has been drinking protein shakes

August 22, 2013 // 2 Comments

Not to discount the development of modern technology and its importance in shaping the society we live in today, but I’d still I have to say that THE most useful invention of the 21st Century would have to be the invention of paper towel [in case you haven’t notice I don’t actually speak English, I speak ‘Hyperbole’]. Paper towel is [...]

How to deal with fucking annoying work colleagues

August 7, 2013 // 0 Comments

When I’m not slaving analyst-style, I actually fancy myself as quite the lyricist. What I lack in terms of any sort of remote musical competence, I make up for in my incredible ability to make mutually exclusive words fit together in the context of a song and in life. For example, currently I’m at work and have MC Hammer’s, timeless classic [...]

Quick guide of what to do when you run into your old boss

June 12, 2013 // 0 Comments

Today I walked by an interesting situation – a distracted man walked into a blind man’s seeing stick and the blind man said “sorry”. Yep apparently that’s the society we live in, you bump into my blind stick which helps me carry out day to day activities like walking in the street and it’s my fault for being blind. The worst thing is [...]

Making the most of your annual leave allowance

May 8, 2013 // 0 Comments

I am about 80% sure that Kim Kardashian is actually pregnant in her butt. Seriously check out the pictures! Her tummy looks a little larger than usual but that could easily just be post-lunch bloating. But her butt? Her butt has expanded to such a size that one can only assume that she is either nesting a baby in her butt, hiding the lost city of [...]

An awkward person’s guide to dealing with awkward conversation

April 25, 2013 // 1 Comment

Have you ever wondered why they make street lights that dingy, orange-y colour? It’s such a disgusting colour and I’m pretty sure it encourages people to commit violent acts – “oh there’s someone standing in a dingy light, and the orange colour makes them look vulnerable, let me go attack them”. Why would you not just start with white [...]