What to do when you get asked to do a random research task…pretend to do it

So this morning my MD has asked me to look for [insert random, tiny, irrelevant research task which I know can’t be found because I’ve already looked, here], so I’m just waiting around, looking like I’m intently typing/searching so that I can email him back in 5 minutes to say that I couldn’t find anything. It never ceases to amaze me how MDs assume that all information is publicly available. The assumption that this amazing invention called the “internet” must contain every answer to whatever question they’ve ever had about a business especially since just on the weekend it was able to find out where their nearest hedge trimmer was located by using this thing called “Google”. The number of times I’ve been asked to just “check the internet” to see if contracts between private companies pertaining to supply of pallets to business operations in Lithuania, are able to be downloaded in pdf, printed two to a page, and left on their desks, is incredible. 

Anyway I still have a bit more time for looking like I’m looking for something which I know that can’t be found. Anyway another strange thing happened to me today. Every 4 months we get asked to change our passwords as a matter of security. So I (rather smart-arsedly) decided to change it to “fuckers7”. I don’t know what actually possessed me to do this. But lesson learnt. Changing your password to a swear word not only gets rejected, but also gives you a blue screen of death and causes any other tool you need to log in to, to stuff up. Needless to say when IT came down and I had to explain what had happened, I took the high road and did what any self respecting person would do…I blamed it on the computer. “Oh I must have been touch typing and it autocorrected to that….my actual password was meant to be ‘r7fi34&’. I like to be very secure with my work so I choose secure passwords only”. The only issue with this explanation, was the fact that the IT guy was also the same guy who had found out that I downloaded a Torrent onto my work computer – again wtf possessed me to try illegally downloading “Friends with Benefits” onto a work computer when I have a personal computer for such guilty pleasures??? – so again using the same blaming-the-technology excuse: “oh the mouse must have just clicked that way and accidently downloaded a two hour movie” didn’t really help. But lucky for me this IT guy seemed to identify with my smart arse attitude and attempts of small wins against “the man” and he quietly fixed the mess I had created. I’m pretty sure he’s the one who once made all emails sent externally to clients to be sent with a dancing elf embedded in the email.

Hmmm these research tasks are really shitting me. I think I might take my computer home and work from home tomorrow (read: use my all day spa voucher)

Ok time to reply to MD saying [insert dumb research task here] couldn’t be found.